haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
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He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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