I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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