True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
she told me i tasted like america
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
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Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
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I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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