I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
