I accidentally had phone sex last night
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
