Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
