is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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