If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize