We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
