Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
