its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you win again, gameday.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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