he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
