i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
