The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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