Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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