Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
