please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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