yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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