i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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