I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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