Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
