it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
