so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Randomize
