and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
