I'm jealous of your bromance
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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