The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
