I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
