what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
