I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
