Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
