According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
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