Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
