the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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