The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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