so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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