Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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