went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
