Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
