My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
