her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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