i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
