I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I looked at my own cervix.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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