he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
