My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
