Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize