Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
