Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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