I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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