You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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