come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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