Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
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