Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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