saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
