This is not my ceiling
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
