There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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