he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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