i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize