Small penises have feelings too.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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