I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
