I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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