He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
