i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
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I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
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Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?