it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.